Broke In The Suburb

Okay so by request from the sexy one himself, one of my fave reads each day, J. Money, I am going to share with you a few stories from way back in my day as a teller. I could get into a lot of different stories of a typical work day, but today we will focus on cash and change related tales. Mainly, the things I have come across handling hundreds of thousands of dollars on a daily basis. Before I even begin though, I want to give a huge shout out and thank you to those who still work as a teller today. It really is one of the most awful jobs ever, I would chose fast food service over going back to this position. People are NUTS. (one woman claimed a GHOST was writing bad checks from her account, and felt that it was grounds to file claims that she is not responsible for not only her OD fees but for the money paid to vendors as well…sadly money was returned to her…)

Okay, so cash related. Well lets see…where do I begin? Let's just do a nice little countdown of the five worst scenarios I have unfortunately come across.

5. Blood. It is nasty. The amount of dried blood on cash is incredible and quite shocking. I don't get it. I mean, if I get a cut or something of that sort, I have NEVER EVER run to my purse and pull out a dollar bill to soak it up. To this day I don't quite understand why you would be holding cash while bleeding?! But the worse was the day when a man walked in to the bank to make a deposit. He hands over his cash and while I am counting the cash I notice some blood on the bills, and not dried blood, I mean real fresh nastiness! It was on a couple bills in the middle and looked like he put them there hoping I would not notice. It get worse, as I look up I notice the man puts his hand up to his nose, he apologizes and runs to the bathroom…I'm guessing you can figure out where the blood came from…

4. Sticky fingers!! Oh man I have not thought about this one in a while. We had a regular who would come in on Mondays to make cash deposits. A lot of ones may I add. Now not trying to pass judgment but this woman was definitely a character. I swear on some occasions you didn't even need to leave things up to the imagination. You can imagine the delight when we learned that this woman's employer was a well known strip joint a few towns over. Now, granted I never actually had a "sticky" bill from her, but really its hard to keep a straight face when you are accepting to take a handful of $1's from someone, when you know the last place they were located was most likely right next to the vajayjay.

3. Now this next one has nothing to do with what is on the cash, but the cash itself (in a sense). In my day I did see a fare share of attempts at fraud – and VERY rarely does it actually work. I'll admit though, some of the stuff that comes through looks pretty legit. (and I will add almost every time the person that got the money did not actually make this fake crap..they got screwed from someone else…so watch your change people) But on one occasion we did have a man come in trying to make a cash deposit. Now this was actually not my own customer, he was a few windows down. But my coworker came to me confused about the money she had. The problem…on all of the bills the word "federal" was misspelled! On ALL of the brand new money. It read "Fedral" okay now really, if your going to be dumb, at least be smart about it!!

2. This will just be a little list of all nasty things I have found on cash given to me on the job that the story cannot be recalled, but the horror of what was touched will always remain: dried food, ketchup, mustard, some green sauce, so many buggers, something that smelled of vomit, chocolate or poo – I'm not really sure, phlem, hairs stuck, substances previously mentioned above, soda, dried orange juice, the list really could go on!

1. And last but not least, the worst day of my life ever…is not in regards to cash itself but more so loose change. At where I worked, we would have to take peoples jars of change and bring it into the fault to put into our "change machine" it would automatically count the change for us. Now, one step I always dreaded was sorting through the change, you would slowly have to pour the change into the tray and remove any buttons, foreign change, food crumbs, etc. so one day I have a young man come in. he gives me his change and I proceed to the back room. Now what comes up as I am dumping out the money??!! Well…I can't even bring myself to say it, but people, I will say, the man IS sexually active, does use protection, and at least once before he came into the bank he had a little fun! (oh! Now I have a dirty mind, even the last sentence grosses me out….ahhhh)

So J – and all others reading this..you now know why money is not appealing to me. Stick to credit, at least you know where that has been…

So keep it real folks, and don't forget to see HERE and HERE, because you love me… =)

I need a drink now…………………….